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Top 10 Tweaks To keep it Sexy!

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When you get married young or when your marriage is brand new, the sexiness seems to be so easy! Not so much after 10 or so years. When they say “Marriage is hard work,” that’s exactly right. Every aspect of it. So I wanted to share a few little things one could incorporate into their lives to get things moving in the right direction…the path to the bedroom!

hands-1)Buy new sexy underwear ever so often, even if you don’t need them!

2) Keep the bed made, even if you are getting back in it in only a few hours. When it looks comfortable, it feels comfortable, and then couples can relax and be free!

3) Change your room around every 9 months or so. You may not be able to get out to different places much, but changing the look and feel of your room can give you the illusion of a new space.

4) Ask your mate how they would like you to change some things and take on the task one day and thing at a time.

5) Give your capable children more chores at certain times of the month so that you can have more energy. (Or hire a maid service once a month.)
6) Try out a new hair style or a wig. Men can grow in their beard or shave their heads bald. Trying something new is the point.

7) Purchase an outfit that isn’t like anything you normally wear and is a color that you never buy. Note: It should look good on you.

8) Plan a monthly romantic date night and always stick to it.couple holding hands

9) Change your normal cologne or perfume and smell brand new!

10) Take some extra time toning up your body, this will always be beneficial!

Do you have any hot ideas that you could share? Please do so!

Marrying Bad Sex

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My husband Delmar Gore and I will be covering a topic called “The Truth About Marrying Bad Sex.” What would you prefer, a Blog Article, a Podcast, or a YouTube Video? Please leave your response in the comments or email me at lisa@therelationshipstuff.com

and thank you in advance for your help/support!

Trading Sex To Become a Wife

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Lisa Gore (272) - CopyI make my bed, then when it’s time to lay down I don’t like what I’m in.

I repent then I sin, then I repent, then I sin!

Is it truly repentance if I keep doing it again?

I cry and I cry because I feel I’ll never win.

But there is power to tap into, that power lies with-in.

Power and knowledge I possess, but where is my faith?

Once you have it, you can’t lose it, so it must be misplaced.

I must seek the Lord with all my might and get into His face.

Others are questioning if I truly walk with God.

They have their opinions while they comment and nod.

I know I’m not what I ought to be, this is perfectly clear.

But He isn’t finished with me, yet, one day I’ll get there.

Sin, I’m finished, I’m done, and I am through!

I’ve been so unfaithful; to Him I’ve been untrue.

I’ve done many things I know I should not do.

My God is the only one who can rescue me, so I’ve given Him my life.

He has proven His love to me and it sure feels nice.

Yet, I continue to fornicate because I want to become someone’s wife!

Yes I’ve failed once again by jumping into sin, knowing all along this isn’t how love begins.

I have learned from my mistakes, I’ve had about all I can take.

 I’m changing this destructive behavior before it’s too late!

This insert was taken from “The Proverbs of Lisa Gore” Click the picture below to check out the whole book!

The Proverbs of Lisa Gore

  CLICK HERE For The Book In Print.

And as always, please don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE (IT’S FREE) and leave any comments for this post below!

The Women That Waited

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SEX BEFORE MARRIAGEPeople often wonder how and why people are still doing this “No Sex until marriage” thing, well here are a couple of women I know responses.
Question #1 
You did not have sex with your man until you were married, so how is that working for you?
“I am grateful to God that we did it His way! I don’ t regret it for a moment.  We obeyed God’s word and waited until we said “I Do” before enjoying the marriage bed(having sex).  Do it God’s way get God’s Results!” Years married: 11 1/2
“I chose NOT to have sex with or live with my man before we married! We purposed in our hearts to remain pure unto the LORD!  He has totally blessed us with a sweet and fulfilling marriage.  The biggest thing that we can tangibly see is that God is pleased with and honors our relationship.  We took him up on his word!  “For them that honor me I will honor, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” 1 samuel 2:30b”
Years married: 5
Question #2 
You did not live with your man until you were married, so how is that working for you?
“I am glad that God gave me His grace to wait and get to know all the personal details of my best friend when he became my husband.”
Years married: 11 1/2
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So, would you wait?

The Truth about Marrying Bad Sex (Part 1)

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Hello, and welcome to “The Truth About Marrying Bad Sex Series.” Below there are scenarios based on true stories, yet, the names have been changed to protect people’s privacy. Please read into them and come out with something. All I ask as that you can be open-minded and receptive to these realities.

Larry & YoulandaLarry and Yolanda met at her place of business, which also happened to be a Gentlemen’s club. Larry was amused by Yolanda and how she could gain every mans attention when she mounted the stage. Despite his fears of being turned down by women who are out of his league,  he asked her out. Yolanda said yes and on went Larry’s mission to win her over and clean her up just for him. After two very over the top sexual experiences, Larry asked Yolanda to marry him and give up exotic dancing. He promised to take care of her and that she’d never have to want for anything. During their 2 over the top sexual experiences, Yolanda insisted on oral and annul sex only . She said she wouldn’t allow it any other way unless she was married because she was too afraid of becoming pregnant. After they were married Larry had sex with Yolanda traditionally for the first time, yet, Larry was unable to enjoy sex with his new wife because she had been so sexed out that her walls were shattered and she constantly made mistakes calling him other guys names. Yolanda was emotionally damaged by her past and had no clue how to begin to heal.

Mike n LiaraMike and Liara meet at church. After a few years of working on ministry togethe,r Mike asked Liara out. Mike had a fear of settling down with a woman and not being pleased sexually, so he begged Liara to give in to his needs, (insecurities). Liara laid down her rules and boundaries in fear that she would lose Mike, but she was also deathly afraid of sinning against God.

Although Liara was there in the sexual encounter physically, emotionally she had tapped out. Mike experienced one of the worst sexual encounters he’d ever had in his life and he broke it off with Liara. She vowed to God never to give up so much with out the promise of marriage and remained celibate. Liara eventually married a wonder man named Jermaine and they have the best sex ever throughout their marriage, with all the bells and whistles. She becomes a wonderful admired wife and enjoys a great abundant life.

Virgil n HeatherVirgil and Heather met at college. They had always seen each other around campus but during their junior year they became very close friends. By senior year they had became a couple and they did everything together. They partied together, they studied together, and experienced sex for the first time together.
After graduation, Virgil and Heather got married and started a family right away. Everyone loved and admired their relationship, they were the ideal couple.
Eight years down the line and three kids later, Virgil is suddenly diagnosed with an illness that causes him to be paralyzed from his neck down. He can neither feel nor move.
The best sex of Heather’s life has just turned into no sex for the rest of her or Virgil’s life. Heather is young, she has needs, and she is so confused as to why this is happening to her when she did everything the right way.

This concludes the 1st part of “The Truth About Marrying Bad Sex Series.”

In either or all situations, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

The Truth about Marrying Bad Sex (Part 2)

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Welcome to Part two of “The Truth About Marrying Bad Sex.” Just like in Part 1, these are all scenarios based on true stories yet the names have been changed to protect people’s privacy. Please keep an open-minded while reading these realities and if you have any questions you can email me at lisa@therelationshipstuff.com or leave them in the comment section below. And thank you for being here!

Jamal n Stacy

Jamal and Stacy met on an online dating website. Stacy decided to join a Christian dating site because she desired marriage but was very busy working on her career and really didn’t have time to socialize. Jamal was tired of church women saying one thing and being another, so he felt better about getting to know someone a lit bit through online communication. He wanted a good woman and he was looking to settle down. After emailing, talking on the phone, texting, and getting to know each other, they met in person for their 1st date and fell fast for each other.
Although they both agreed on “No Sex until Marriage” Stacy was afraid that if Jamal didn’t please her sexually, she’d end up straying. She was hoping and praying for the whole package but “sexually unfulfilled” was a reality to a lot of her married friends. After one of their amazing date nights, Stacy put  the works on Jamal and seduced  him. She discovered her answer and they married with a year 1/2.

Seven years down the road they started to have major issues. Stacy became so dictative and controlling when it came to the kids, the house, the money and everything. It began to turn Jamal off so much that he wasn’t lost his sexual attraction towards her. Jamal withdrew more and more; so much so that they were only having sex once a month. Their sex life suffered a blow like never before. Stacy blamed Jamal and Jamal blamed Stacy until they finally decided to seek professional help.

 

Charles n KellyCharles and Kelly were childhood friends from the same neighborhood. After years of living life, they ran back into each other. Both of them were Christians and looking to settle down. They also both had issues with setting proper boundaries. After a few months of getting to know each other again, they committed to a relationship and began to have sex. Although the sex was great, the guilt they felt afterwards was terrible. Desiring to live their lives right before God, they married before they had reached a full year in courtship.

Years went by, life went on, but so did the pounds. Kelly became severely depressed because after years of trying she was unable to conceive. She became an emotional eater as a result of her depression. The more weight she gained, the more depressed she became and she felt trapped in a vicious cycle. Slowly but surly Charles lost his attraction towards her, inner and outter. In fear of hurting her feelings he never said a word, but she could tell he no longer desired her. Sex (when they had it) was more like a release for him and a duty for her. The pleasure was gone and they had no clue how they would begin to get it back, but they wanted to.

Robert n Rachel

When Robert and Rachel met there was no question in either of their minds that they were meant to be together. They had sex within their first week of meeting and didn’t miss a week! The passion and pleasure was on and popping! They moved in together and never looked back. After a 3 year relationship, they married and within 6 months got pregnant.  When Rachel became a mother her priorities shifted immediately.  She wanted to give her child everything she didn’t have and more. Robert began to feel neglected and he made it known. He demanded that they keep up the same sexual speed as in the beginning because that’s what he thought he was marrying into. Rachel began to feel used and unappreciated and withdrew even further. When she did have sex with Robert it was just to keep him quiet and away from another woman’s bed, but she found no pleasure in it. Robert was fully aware of that fact and he desired to bring passion back into her eyes so he too could feel great about the overall experience.

He also tried his best to fight off the feelings of sleeping with a few women that flirted with him constantly at his job but he was getting weak. He began to resent Rachel for not living up to her wifely duties.

3 case  scenarios…SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

 

 

 

I Am Abstaining From Sex

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shalena diva (287)Hello, my name is Shalena D.I.V.A., The Purpose Driven Diva and I am a guest blogger today on therelationshipstuff.com because I gotta get some things off my chest. Why am I abstaining from sex? IT’s a matter of yes and no. When I think about the times when I did have sex, I always had an empty feeling afterwards. I can’t quite explain it, but I did. Even after some of the best sex I ever had. Do I want to continue to feel that way after having sex…NO! Do I want to be with a man who doesn’t mind sleeping with me, but won’t commit to me in marriage? NO! Do I want to feel overly emotional and territorial over a man who doesn’t belong to me…NO! Do I want to be in a relationship where he only calls when he’s interested in having sex…NO! Do I want to run the risk of getting pregnant–HECK NO!

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Since I have abstained, what have I started saying yes to? Do I think I’m worth the wait, OH YES! Does abstaining make me feel more attractive and beautiful, surprisingly YES! Does abstaining give me more confidence, SURPRISINGLY YES! Does abstaining from sex cause me to feel sexier, OMG…YES! HOW IS THAT? This is the sexiest I ever felt.
Now this is interesting. Does abstaining from sex help me to stay focused and achieve more goals, YES! Does abstaining help me with self-control, YES! Desiring to be with a man is NORMAL, but it doesn’t mean that I have to sleep with a guy because I find him attractive. I am learning this as I go along. No one ever taught me about this growing up. meaning people only said don’t have sex, yet they never gave me anything to say yes to. Ultimately, does abstaining make me feel like I’m pleasing God, YES! I will continue to flesh this out because I never realized that choosing to abstain opened up a world of possibilities in my life.. DEEP.
Please share any Thoughts!

 

 

Shalena D.I.V.A. is a ANTI-BULLYING EXPERT, CERTIFIED LIFE COACH, AUTHOR, AND SPEAKER. You can find out more about her at shalenadiva.com or by liking her Facebook page.

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What To NOT Look For In A Man

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This video may seem like an “I Already Know That” type of Vlog, but the truth is I think some ladies need to step back and travel back to the basics.

If connecting with a great man is really that hard, maybe the lack of making  a choice, making too many wrong choices, or just not knowing is causing you to wonder

where is your good man!? In this Vlog my dear husband Delmar will share his thoughts!

(Please comment if you are led)

 


Powerful Strong Women?

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Let me start off by stating that I love a good T.V. show, but as my husband and I were talking about certain shows and the images of the strong black power women, our hearts sadden.

How many girls and young women (sometimes older) desire to be an Olivia, Candice, or Mary Jane. Money,  power, respect, in replace of true joy, morals, dignity, and a man to call her own. It’s sad to see side chicks and “main chicks” go back and forth proving they have something on the other as if either one of them has anything really.

The problem isn’t the shows, the problem comes in when women and girls go out in their real lives doing and being what is written for a show. All these little stupid love and hip hop type shows are saying this is who we are, this is who we’ve become, this is normal. Oh it’s so entertaining, but being played out in your reality it can kill your soul dead!

My point, let’s let T.V. stay on T.V. and live your real life abundantly!

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#teamgoodwife

 

Have you settled so much that you refuse to settle any more? I’d love to hear about it!

Can’t Get Him Out of My Head or Out of My Bed

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black-couple2There is a reoccurring theme going on of women not being able to let go of crumbs so that they may enjoy the entire cake; and it makes sense. The spiritual connection that is created when two people have sex is beyond our human comprehension. It’s so deep and powerful that God said we are not supposed to have it until we are married and also only to the one we are married. As humans we have done and continue to do things our own way and wonder why things are not working out for us. READ THE MANUAL & MOST IMPORTANTLY APPLY IT TO YOUR LIFE. Yeah, it only works if you work it.

So, when women go crazy and can’t seem to get past these men that use, abuse, betray, and belittle them, it’s because they let them into the most sacred parts of their soul and it’s not as simple as putting out the trash. One needs to be healed, restored, and they must transform their minds and ways of thinking; least it shall happen again.

When I began to see myself just a glimpse of the way God sees me, I started to want more for myself. Then I surrounded myself with people who knew my worth and value and they often reminded me and gave me constructive criticism (that’s important). Doing a large amount of self work helps you to choose BETTER MEN and refuse to settle. Sex causes a strong attachment that feels unbreakable because it was supposed to be that way. But God will help you to turn things around; HE is the only 1 that I know that can fix a broken mess.

I want to share a short list of what to do for anyone that may be struggling with this.

10 Ways to Help Get Him Outta Ya Head & Bed 

Head

1) Read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon

This could help you to dream up for yourself a great man and understand how God intended love to be.

2) Instead of 100 dollar Bags and shoes, get yourself some Therapy, Counseling, or a Life Coach

The process is hard and having someone assist you and give you direction could mean the world!

3) Read some great books on dating

This can help you to renew your mind and reprogram you for the next time around if you allow it to.

4) If you have a hobby or a passion dive into it

And if you don’t you should find one. You have to fill your mind and time up least that lonely sting so hard.

5) Listen to messages of truth

There are a lot of great dating messages out there in videos and blogs. (There are a lot of bad ones to but…)

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6) Seek out a faithful accountability partner

This person can be 100% honest with you and you them. (You can run the messages I was saying you should watch and read by them and they can let you know if you’re headed in the right direction)

7) Change your number

Listen I know that’s not an easy thing to do sometimes (especially if you’ve had they # for years) but you have to do what you have to do if the simple stuff like not answering the call isn’t working.

8) Don’t Open The Door or let him in

I don’t care if he is bleeding and you are a nurse, call 911!  It’s important to the process that you refuse all of his advances to keep you dangling from his leash.

9) Get Rid of His Residue

This could help a lot if there are triggers all around. Scents, left behind belongings, memories with the colored sheets. Get it out of your house.

10) Replace his old space with God

I even mean sleep with your bible beside you to mentally remind yourself where your heart should be. Giving your heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord will cause a great man to come and give you what you desire most… TRUE LOVE.

Does this list seem doable or unrealistic? Please let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading!

 

 





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